A Friday Night Poem

Ive been afraid of my own feelings for many years and it's a process but the fear is starting to lift...

I feel in so many ways emotional repression and emotional illiteracy has been a real catalyst for a lot of my mental health struggles across my life.

But over the past five years I’ve been working incredibly hard to try and combat my fear of feeling deeply, of seeming vulnerable, of unknotting barriers I’ve built up so intricately there have been many instances when I don’t even understand my own state of being, or behaviours that are unfavourably repetitive.

And as I’ve been working to open myself up more, I realise that I’m crying more. And that is a good and okay thing!

It’s been an emotionally taxing year, for many reasons that I’m not going to disclose but something I’ve had to face up to is that one of the greatest acts of care I can give myself to navigate everything is to work to be more in tune with what I’m feeling and why. And to just give in to it sometimes.

Crying more, whilst also feeling less anxious and depressed is a bit of a contradicting statement but is my living reality at the moment. Just letting myself feel and process when I have space, rather than never allowing that space for myself has actually been quite life changing. And affirming.

I have the house to myself for the first time in awhile and inspired by my second watch of Come See Me In The Good Light, an absolutely gorgeous documentary about the poet Andrea Gibson and their partner Meg Falley navigating Andrea’s cancer battle, this poem just came out of me. I don’t think it’s anything too profound, but just felt like sharing it.

2025 was the year I got back to writing solo material, and my songs always start as poems. So here is a small poem that might make it to a song one day. Happy weekend everyone, do what you need to do.

Poem is below this spoiler alert of an image:

Weekend Tears

I feel a cry building on a Friday night

Moth wings beating at the near surface of my skin

Saturday Morning Tears are locking in

I think it’s because my body knows it’s just me and my love in our home in her arms

And I’m getting some time away from the hamster wheel whirl to just be

A body in a safe space

To finally feel beyond the fight I’ve been in with myself for the last 35 years

Because right now I must feel in order to survive

Before I was snipping feelings and throwing them down my throat swallowing the splinters

Always thinking it would save me from myself

But as I age I realise that

We survive by crying it out

Because the feelings held in tears deserve to see the world

And pools of water reflect the light brightly